For a while after the divorce, I had no idea how to let go. I couldn't let go of what could have been, of what I thought it would have been, of the life I had always imagined.
I was angry and sad. I couldn't stop crying and was completely overwhelmed.
I had lost myself in the relationship and had no idea how to be on my own. Who was I, who am I?
I knew divorce was the right decision and yet I felt stuck and guilty and I felt like a failure. Failing myself, my relationship and my child.
My dream was always the happy ever after. Growing old together. The family unit that consists of mum, dad and kid. Divorce was not in my vocabulary.
So what now?
I soon realised that I was holding on to a fantasy. A fantasy of what my life would have been like. And also a version of me that I had always imagined myself to be and what I always thought I should be. But who was I really?
And I just knew deep down that there was more, I was meant to experience other things. Meet people I could only meet when not married, experiences I could only make on my own. I realised there is more life to live and so much more I wanted for myself.
The problem was I could no longer remember who I was, what I stood for or what I wanted. No idea. So I went on a healing journey of who I am, where I am and where I want to be?
I had to take charge of my life and do whatever it took to come out on the other side. I realised no one else was going to do it for me. It awakened my inner warrior, I didn't know I had in me.
And so I did, I allowed myself to grieve and then channelled all of my energy and focus on my healing and what I needed to move forward. It is like closing a chapter of a book and start a new one. You start to concentrate on the current chapter and not looking back to the finished one.
I did the inner work to reconnect with my authentic self, rediscover who I am and remember my worth. I got clarity on who I was, what I wanted, and the new vision for my life, a new vision for myself and my child.
I took action towards my future life, with unshakable intention and conviction working towards it every day.
And life has never been the same.
Now I'm happier and more at peace than I've ever been.
Divorce isn't a death sentence or a failure. When you decide to let go of the past in order to let the future in and when you come home to yourself and take charge of your life anything is possible and your life will change in a way you didn't think it would be possible.
Need help working through this, please reach out - jessica@lotuslife.com.au or book in here
Sending you lots of love and strength
Jess